A Difficult Update

Dealing with cancer has been difficult.  I am sure there are more flowery ways of putting it, or stronger words I can use, but difficult just seems to fit.

The diagnosis, the surgery, the treatment, the side effects, and the waiting…all difficult.

In January, when my oncologist told me the growth had shrunk from 9cm to 4cm, and that I was going to be monitored for 3 months, I did my best to stay positive.

It was difficult…

I tried to not think about the what if’s…what if the cancer spreads while we wait?  What if it grows?  What if they missed something?  What if it is in my brain? AAaaahhh….

Ahem.

It was difficult…

I tried not to google the stats of a 4cm residual seminoma growth…and then tried not to worry about what I found and the 20-46% possibility that there was still viable cancer in that growth (depending on which study you read)…

It was difficult…

I started my own business and tried to focus on being normal.

It was difficult…

The Cancer was always there, in the back of my mind.  I am much weaker than I used to be, and my energy levels are very low, and the neuropathy in my fingers would bother me on cold days… And those were constant reminders that I had cancer. As the day drew closer to have the 3 month tests, I tried to put out of my mind…but it was difficult.

The week after the tests, and leading up to the oncologist appointment (this past Friday), to go over the results of the ct scan, xray, and blood work…was difficult. I tried to listen to our Lord’s words in Matthew 6, about not worrying…but it was difficult.  I was anxious.  Like before an interview, or the butterflies you might have before going on a first date…It was difficult to think about anything else. I wasn’t worried about it per se, but it was like life was on hold until I knew if I needed more treatment.

It was difficult, but not impossible. A couple days before my appointment, I read Matthew 6 and this jumped out at me, ^“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

So I focused on him.  And yes, it was still difficult.

The day of the appointment arrived.

At the appointment I discovered that I had lost 25 lbs in the past 3 months…

The nurse was quite concerned about that.  And of course one of the symptoms of cancer spreading is weight loss…so that thought rolled around my head while I waited for the doctor. But we received good news.  The growth had shrunk from 4 cm to 3 cm, without any treatment.  And there was no spreading of the cancer.  Blood work was stable showing no evidence of cancer.  That means the cancer is likely dead, but with the growth there, I am not  considered in remission. And there is a 4% chance…ahem…anyway…

So we went to Wild Wings for a late lunch to celebrate the good news, and maybe try to gain back some weight…

So life will go on. Being monitored every 3 months. not knowing what is going on inside of me.

Difficult?

Sure.

But I have much support from my wife, family, friends, church, and best of all, a saviour who helps me with the burden.