Daddy Needs a Time Out.
“I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
DADDY! I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!”
Seven minutes…
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
For seven minutes my 6 year old repeated that sentence in a sobbing scream that the neighbours 3 doors down surely heard. Time outs in our house do not start until the child is quiet. Once she is in time out, and quiet, then the countdown begins. It is not meant as punishment, per se…
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
…but as a means to get the child to take a breath and consider her actions. It is meant as a way for both of us to clear our…
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
minds…
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
So we can discuss…
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
Sigh. Hang on…I’ll be right back.
I reminded her of the timer, and requested her to be quiet.
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
5 more minutes she screamed.
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
13 minutes in total…
Irritated, I tried to reason with her…
This is not punishment,
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
I am not mad at you,
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
I just want you to take a breath,
I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
have a rest, regroup…blah blah blah…I DON’T WANT TO BE IN TIME OUT!
Have you ever attempted to reason with a strong willed 6 year old? It doesn’t work well. Finally, in my anger I told her that if she was not quiet that she would get a spank…I lied…but it seemed to work…
Her screams became silent sobs as she tried to stifle her crying with a look of fear in her eyes.
I set the timer and a minute later I hugged her, and she was free to go.
I thought about it for a moment. I had not relented and given in and let her go, but was consistent and persistent. I had “won.” Or had I? Was this even about winning? Even if I was victorious in my parenting (which I wasn’t)…why did I put her in time out?
I considered how, since we moved, her behaviour has seemed to regress. She is always doing something she shouldn’t, it seems, and I am constantly disciplining her…due to the incessant nature of her disobedience, I am often guilty of disciplining in frustration. She is only 6, and has not developed the coping mechanisms for the stress she is feeling, for her frustrations…
Did she even deserve time out? Probably. She had disobeyed me, yes, but I had completely forgotten what her offence was…was there some injustice my actions? Was I exasperating my child?
The more I thought about it and my angry response to her disobedience – I could not even remember what she had done – I realized that perhaps I was in the wrong.
It was in that moment that an epiphany hit me… sometimes it is not just my 6 year old who needs a time out, but I do as well! I went to her and apologized for raising my voice at her. Now when she in her strong willed defiance refuses to obey, and when I feel my emotions beginning to boil over and my self-control crumbling, I remove myself from the situation.
“Daddy needs a time out!”
So now I try to explain to her that I am very upset and that I need a time out so that I can calmly deal with the situation. That doesn’t mean she gets off scot-free, it means also that she has to go and wait for me to talk to her. But we do it together, not in the same corner, but at the same time. Then we talk about what happened.
I know that I often need to take a step back and pause, before disciplining my children. If you struggle with reactionary discipline, try putting yourself in time out the next time your child is driving you nuts. The look on your kid’s face will be priceless, and you will get a much needed mental break to prayerfully consider how to proceed with loving discipline.
Thanks for letting me share… sigh.
