Possibly Coherent Ramblings About My Struggle
Recently I was told that despite my depression, at least my blogging was still coherent. I appreciated that. Hopefully, I will remain coherent for this post as well. 🙂
When one is struggling with depression, and when one publicly announces it on his blog, the advice flows fast and free…like water flowing from a fire hydrant…
Hey, you should try:
Talking to your pastor.Taking vitamin D.Seeing your Doctor.Counselling.Taking a vitamin for Men everyday.Getting more sleep.Praying more often.Exercising.Running.Avoiding alcohol.Losing weight.Eating more often.Eating more nutritional food.Eating less junk.Avoiding sugar.Avoiding refined/processed food.Getting more sunlight.Using a natural spectrum light.Having personal devotions everyday.Having devotions at the beginning of the day.Having devotions at the end of the day.Thanking God for 5 specific things from that day before bed.Simplifying, de-clutter your life and schedule.Dropping some commitments.Listening to the Bible on your commute to work.Spending time with family without electronics.Having one on one time with your wife.Blocking out negative people and influences.Turning off the electronics in the evening.Reading more books.
The advice is all good, but it is quite overwhelming. I kinda feel like a parched desert land suddenly inundated with a torrential downpour. It’s good for me, but it’s almost too much to absorb! “Which one do I try?” I mean, I don’t really have the time to try each piece of advice for a couple weeks and see if it works. So in an effort to save time I have decided upon the Blitzkrieg approach.
What do I mean?
I have sent in all the troops …The infantry, the armoured, the artillery and air support are all firing upon this enemy. For 17 days now, the enemy has been bombarded with everything. I have gone to the doctor and a counsellour, and my pastor and elder are in the loop. I have simplified my life by cutting out unnecessary clutter. I avoid social media in the evenings. I have been working out 6 days per week, eating 5 or 6 healthy meals per day, taking my vitamins, going for walks. I am having regular morning devotions, I am focusing on Jesus, spending time with family and friends. I am going to bed earlier. I have even slowed down a bit on the blogging. All that unsolicited advice listed at the beginning? I am doing most of it. I had no idea if it would work.
But you know what?
I feel immensely better.
My energy is returning. My disposition is getting brighter. My outlook is becoming more postive. The other day, I went to the doctor for a complete physical, and before we started he could see it on my face that I was doing much better.
I feel, well, I kinda feel like this kid:
Yes.
It’s exactly like that.
Like I pushed a toy car off the table and had no idea what would happen.
I am not completely “fixed” or “cured,” but as I am dragged along the battlefield and through this valley, I can now see the sun cresting over the mountain. Sure, the mountain casts a long shadow in this valley, but the sun is still there. On the horizon, I can see the bombers circling back for another strike, and I can hear the infantry marching on. Oh, and this man dragging me along? He has already won this war, and He is advancing at the front of the line! He thunders at the head of His army, and the hills melt like wax before Him. The darkness of this valley cannot withstand the light of His glory. He lights up the world, He IS the light of the world, and He fills us with joy.
So, this valley ain’t so bad.
No, wait…actually it is…
…in fact, it really sucks…
…but He brought me to it, and He is bringing me through it. And I find comfort in that. I do not yet know why he brought me here, but I find comfort in the words of verses like Isaiah 43 and Psalm 97 among so many others. During these past few months I have also learned to pray as the Puritans did:
Let me find thy light in my darkness,thy life in my death,thy joy in my sorrow,thy grace in my sin,thy riches in my poverty,thy glory in my valley.
Was this Coherent? I don’t know. But my ramblings make sense to me.
Thanks for joining me on this journey.
