A Question About Porn, Alcohol, Anger and Trying Harder.
Question: “I became a Christian about a year ago. I still struggle with sin of lust and porn addiction, I am still struggling with alcohol and I have anger management problems. I sometimes pray and then immediately afterwards go and act out in my sin. Even when I am praying I think myself sinning with bad thoughts. I call my sponsors but I continue to struggle, I have days where I say, screw it and I drink myself to sleep and use porn to medicate myself. Then I wake up feeling sick about myself and then I pray and repent again. I thought Jesus was going to change me, I am sure I believe in Him but people keep telling me that I am not trying hard enough. Am I a hypocrite?” ~ Anonymous
NO.
If you have repented of your sins and trust in Jesus for full salvation you are not a hypocrite.
You are not a hypocrite.
I have been there. I know. I have had similar thoughts. The “I’ve got to try harder, I’ve got to get better, I hate this sin. The Heidelberg Catechism says that I am not my own, that I am owned by Jesus, purchased with His blood. A Christian is owned by Jesus! “ Then I would think I am a hypocrite because instead of feeling that ownership of Christ, I felt owned by my sin. I would think, “ I know what a Christian is supposed to look like so I have to strive to that. I have to try harder, then it will all be better.” So I worked harder. I tried to be a better me, but it seemed that the harder I tried, the harder I failed.
God doesn’t want you to try harder.
Matthew 11:28 says, “Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
Jesus is not saying, “Come to me all of you have worked hard enough and I will give you rest.” No! He is saying, “Come to me. Period.”
“Struggle with lust? Come to me. “
“Struggle with pornography? Give it to me.”
“That alcoholism you struggle with? Give it to me.”
“Struggle with lust or addiction or loneliness or alcohol or despair or anger or anything at all? Give it all to me and I will carry it for you. All your sin. All your addiction. All your vices. All your social failings. All your anger. Everything. Give it all to me…and I will give you rest.”
Do you see the difference?
The invitation that you responded to when you believed on Jesus wasn’t, “Start doing what’s right and come to me and I will give you rest.” The invitation was simply, “Come to Me. You can never do what is right. I will give you rest.”
So the answer is not in trying harder to overcome sin, but in coming to Jesus, by being in a covenant relationship with Jesus that overpowers our love of the sin we cherish. The way we get out from under the oppression of sin is not to work harder to stop the sin, but to seek God, to see Jesus as more satisfying than the sins we struggle with. As Jesus becomes more satisfying, more lovely, more all consuming, these things begin to lose their power.
When we begin to see Jesus as all satisfying, then, even in the midst of our struggles, even in the midst of screwing up, even when you fail and realize how hopeless you are in yourself, you can also see that you are not a hypocrite…in the midst of your weakness you can see just how Jesus’ love and power and grace is made more glorious and powerful and beautiful and lovely.
All this is not to say, “Don’t try at all.” That is silly. We are not to be idle in our sanctification. We are supposed to strive to Christlikeness, realizing that we cannot achieve that in ourselves. We need Jesus, and His strength. We should say with the Apostle Paul, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
So next time someone tells you are a screw up or that you need to do something about your alcohol or porn addiction or your anger problems you can rejoice and say, “I know! I am attending 12 step groups, and I am seeking help from my sponsors and my elders and pastors, and my counsellour, but praise Jesus that he came to die for sinners just like me! How beautiful, how perfect is Jesus right now that, right in the middle of my lust, in the middle of my struggle with alcohol, in my anger, that He loves me?”
Keep up the good work. Work your recovery programs in His strength. Go to bible study. Be open with others. Have coffee with your pastor, be honest with your elder. Have devotions. Read your Bible. Pray. Strive to Christlikeness…try, really do try, I am not saying don’t try, but realize that you can’t do it yourself. You can’t. And when you fail? Because you will fail…don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t give up on Jesus. He doesn’t fail. Give it all to Him. All of it. Everything. Jesus is all satisfying.
Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.[b]The sorrows of those who run after[c] another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.[d]
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
A breath of fresh air, would that the help you receive from those around you would be the same everywhere. I’m not so sure that it is. I think there are those who are struggling, who are known to be struggling, who have been identified as persons with addictions, who have shown to be fighting their addictions, but have no one close to walk with them, talk with them, or been consoled by the very people with whom they should find consolation. You’re working on it, good stuff, keep up the good work.
I think the addicted person cherishes those moments when someone talks to them about their struggle, it lets them know that they are valued, that they are being looked after and will be tended to in a compassionate and brotherly/sisterly way if they are honest. The addict should not be categorized, pointed into the “right” direction and left to walk in that direction, especially by those who are his/her brothers and sisters. Check to see if they hit the edge of the path, or left it altogether in a time of weakness, when did they do that, what surrounded that event, how can I help to be there when the possibility arises that they will do it again (just like the addict recognizes the things that might precipitate a fall back, and tries to avoid them). Even more than that, don’t forget those who are close to the addict, they carry a huge burden as well.
There’s so much more to be said, but I’m leaving it for now.
Thanks OCD. 🙂
Thank you for responding to my question Ryan. You are right. You always seem to know when to push my buttons, and when to lay off and give me a hug instead. This post was a nice big hug. I guess what i mean to say is that I mean that God is right. I know that. I just struggle, i just don’t have the backing you describe for me from the church. My pastor is a good man but people don’t get it. I feel alone. Everyone knows who I am and what i have done. I have sinned worse an harder and deeper than my brothers who were born in the church. They tell me i have not bee horrified enough by my sin…are you kidding me? I am horrified by it! Horrified. but the demon seed keeps drawing me. I know. I know. talk later.
Broken, your plight (and mine, and others, I’m sure) is exactly what I was referring to. A lack of compassion from those in the congregation. You say the people don’t get it, I think they do, but just like those who are at a funeral, they don’t know what to say. All have an addiction themselves, but are not yet ready to confront it. Everyone has an addiction, be it the love of money, gossip, eating, drinking, vacationing, etc.. If no one had an addiction, there would be no sin. The addiction is to please the “self”, that’s the sin everyone has to fight, we are here to glorify God, but fail rather miserably, which OCD’s blog touched on all of that, he “gets it”.
You haven’t sinned worse, harder, or deeper than your brothers born in the church. I was born in the church, I’m an addict, I know other brothers born in the church, who held prominent places in the church, who are addicts. The playing field is level. Those who look down, or who feel the need for more repentance, may be addicted to their self worth (pride) and need you to feed that addiction.
We are brothers.
Great questions. Ones we are struggle with in various areas. I’m finding that Jesus changes me as I become more like him, not because of trying harder to be, but because of spending more time with him. The more I’m with him, the more he rubs off on me, the more his Spirit is able to live in and through me, the more I become like him so the more I do what he would do and less what I feel compelled to do. It isn’t about me trying as much as allowing him to live in me. What do you say, God? What do you say right now in this place? Yes, I do get to choose to obey and follow, but more and more the desire to do so overrides the compulsions. And the more he heals us, the less we need the things we’re addicted to. It can change. You can change. You will change. It’s a process. We’re all in it. 🙂
Hello brother.
Very true. It is only as we develop a closer relationship with Christ that our desire for a holy life will outweight our sinful desires. Then Christ will bless us with the tools to conquer our weaknesses.
Could you add the Pinterest button – I’d like to Pin this one to Wisdom!
Done! 🙂 and good idea…thanks!
very good – thank you.