I am Really Questioning My Marriage Right Now
From Anonymous: ” My Husband is short tempered and usually is angry at me and our kids… (a list of other character defects, sins and shortcomings) I am really questioning my marriage right now, if he is the person I am supposed to be with, why is it so hard? “
I understand the pain. After I received this email I was caused to consider my own past failings in my marriage and my current shortcomings as a husband and father. It is amazing to consider how my wife puts up with me sometimes! I hear my own failings in this person’s aching for her spouse. The short answer to her question is so that God will be glorified in your marriage and so that you can be conformed to the image of Christ through your marriage. That may be true, but it does not seem very helpful sometimes does it? Especially when we are struggling in our marriage and God seems so far away…
When our spouse is pushing our buttons…
When your spouse yells, belittles and demeans…
When you discover an affair…
When your spouse lies…
When your spouse does not adequately provide…
When your world seems like it is falling apart – and it is all your spouses fault…
But God is there, Christ is there. And so is the church. Yes we are all sinful people as well, but there are hugs to be had, tears to cry, hurts to be shared, buckets of ice cream to devour, and scripture to read and prayer to pray. So, talk with your pastor, an elder, a trusted friend, find a shoulder to cry and trust on the promises of God! Remember that God does not make mistakes, and it was He who joined you and your spouse together in marriage. So trust in Him.
After talking with “anonymous,” and clumsily working on this post (type-delete-type-backspace-type-delete-and so on), an unrelated friend randomly emailed me a Youtube video entitled “God’s Glory in Marriage.” It does a much better job at stating the things I am awkwardly stumbling over. I would like to share it with you.
“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Soli Deo Gloria
We need to remember that “love” is not a choice in marrriage, but a comman. Weshall love our spouse, in spite of his/her/my shortcomings. “Love never fails”, if we also rememvber Christ’s love for us.
Wow! and Amen!
“It was the worst of times, it was the best of times.” Lived in the worst of times, and the best of times and have a love for my spouse, greater than I have known.
I think it’s good to remember that marriage is often difficult, even for those of us who aren’t struggling with big issues like anger or addiction. My spouse is an excellent husband and father, but there are times when things aren’t going so well that I question the strength of my commitment. But then I slide right back into the trenches, deal with the heart issues, and get back on track.
I’ve found that one of the best ways to deal with a spouse’s anger is through gentleness and grace. When he seems particularly out of sorts, I approach him with genuine concern and invite him to share what’s bothering him. I do my best to provide understanding and validation. Then I explain how his anger affects me and our son–how it’s scary, confusing and sometimes hurtful. I ask if there’s anything I can do to help him feel less stressed around the house. I’ve found that the more I model gentleness and patience in our household, the more he tries to practice those things, too.