Child Hold Me: Losing a Child in the Womb

My wife and I are blessed with two beautiful girls.  Meagan is three, outgoing, athletic, mischevious, adventerous. Kaitlyn is seven, introverted, reserved, cautious, studious. Most of you already know that we have two kids.  But the reality is that we have at least four children.  We have been pregnant at least 4 times but we never got to know the first two as they were called home by the Lord before they were born.

As a father, I struggled mightily with these losses.

“WHY GOD?!”

The emotions ranged from wanting to be a father and struggling to see the wisdom of God, to being thankful for not having the responsibility of Children – and the guilt that came with thoughts like that.

Not many men ever talk about these things.  That is why I appreciated, “Child, Hold Me,” by Michel Sauret. Michel tells the story of losing a child in the womb.  It is not an uncommon theme, but he tells it from a unique perspective – through a man’s eyes.

As a young college age man, Michel had a few relationships before he met Heather. He struggled with the same things all of us young christian men do.  He desired to be faithful in serving Christ and he made a vow of abstinence until marriage, but he also desired to serve himself. One day his world was shattered by the news Heather revealed to him: She was pregnant. In this short memoir, Michel explores the emotions he experienced facing a pregnancy as an unmarried Christian couple.

War wages in his mind as he contemplates raising the child, giving him (he knew the baby was a boy…it had to be) up for adoption, or aborting the pregnancy.  While he is contemplating all these things his world was shattered even further: Heather has a miscarriage. And to make things more interesting, those already shattered pieces are battered again when he finds out that his sister is pregnant.  Now he has to deal with a whole new set of emotions and guilt.

I laughed and cried while read this short memoir.  In fact, once I began reading I did not put it down….both times I read it. In this honest and heartfelt memoir Michel reveals to us the emotional roller coaster he went through.  A similar ride that I went through.  I vividly remember the range of emotions that I experienced when we suffered our miscarriages.   In the author’s life, and mine , the Lord is the one who dried the tears and brought us from darkness into light.

Michel, thank you for sharing this. I often shy away from this topic, even though I often think about my children who are not with us.  I highly recommend, “Child Hold Me” to anyone, not just those who have suffered the loss of a child in the womb through stillbirth, miscarriage or abortion.  I encourage you to give it a read, it is short, and well worth the small price. Purchase your copy on amazon here:

Child Hold Me.

A little about the author: Michel and Heather are Christians, they worship at the Providence Reformed Presbyterian Church in Pittsburgh. For me, his being another “One Christian Dad,” is far more important than the other accolades Michel has earned.  Yet, here is a little about Michel that I stole from his website.

My name is Michel Sauret, and in 2008 I earned the title of Army Journalist of the Year for work I did in Iraq when deployed with the Army public affairs.

Now I’m an independent author, and I just released my second book, “Amidst Traffic,” a high-caliber collection of short stories packed with suspense, emotion and a literary flair.

I’m also a photographer and owner of One Way Street Production, which specializes in family and wedding photography.

I published my first novel, “Breathing God” at the age of 19. I studied creative writing at the University of Pittsburgh, and I’ve had short stories published in liteary journals around the world, including the U.S., Great Britain and Australia.

I’ve served as a public affairs specialist and journalist for the U.S. Army since 2004. My work has won several Scoop Brumfield awards. My short story, “Lost in the Night” appeared in the anthology, “Best New Writing, 2008″ and my story, “Three Straws” earned honorable mention in the Monty Culver Award in 2010.