I Get Distant, Moody and Mean.
The other day I was Distant, Moody and Mean. A little mixture of worry, anger, pride, and I guess, if I am completely honest…I was guilty of unbelief as well. So it goes without saying that I was in a really bad mood the other day.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6,7
When I got home I took it out on my wife and kids…My daughter pranced up to me, “Daddy look at this…”
“Not Now!” I blurted out…
Snapping, short tempered, just being unpleasant. “Old Ryan” I call him. Not a nice guy…
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. ~2 Corinthians 5:17
I hate Old Ryan. But he still pops up from time to time. Angry, ugly, bad tempered, foul… And no it had nothing to do with soccer (or my sore right knee or my aching left foot). It had to do with a plethora of external stimuli beyond my control – the car breaking down, people issues, school, work stuff, finances.
I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things. ~Isaiah 45:7
I am a control freak. I admit that. When things are beyond my control I do not like that. Ok my achy leg and sore foot did not help, but pain is really a minor factor in this. It was the loss of control over things that really bothered me.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. ~ Proverbs 19:21
When life becomes unmanageable for us, it isn’t for God. I say that all the time. “God won’t give us more than HE can handle…” I practically preach it. But when the time comes to put it into practice, sometimes I forget to look to God. I have learned to and most of the time I have learned to trust Him, but my trust is not perfect. My faith is not perfect. My zeal is not perfect. I am not perfect. So I stumble.
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ~ Matthew 19:26
When things get beyond my control I either fall down in prayer, or I get angry, moody and mean.
This time I chose distant.
This time I chose moody.
This time I chose mean.
I should have chosen prayer.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ~Philippians 4:6
My wife called me on it as only she knows how, after I had snapped at her and the kids 3 times within 30 minutes of getting home…
Instant humbling.
That cut it short.
Done.
Hollow feeling in soul.
As if God was both shaking his head at me and bidding me to come…
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Her words caused me to contemplate our Father in heaven…how disappointed in me He was at that moment. So I fell on my face and prayed (in the next room of course). Repenting I also thanked God for a godly wife…
It was immediately better – no the financial burdens, the broke down car, the school, the work, the people…none of that changed, what changed was the disquiet in my soul was gone. Not that it is always that instantaneous, but this time it was.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:7
God is good.
Me?
Not so much.
But one day, I hope to be more like Jesus and less like “Old Ryan.” And that day will come. Maranatha, Come Lord Jesus!
So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown a perishable body, it is raised an imperishable body; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body…Behold, I tell you a mystery; we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet; for the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable must put on the imperishable, and this mortal must put on immortality. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:42-44;51-53
I was immediately pulled to read this post because of the title. “Distant, Moody and Mean.” That describes me perfectly when I’m at my worst and I’m not proud of it. Thanks for writing this.
Thanks for your comment Rose…we all have our bad side…and we all think that we are the worst…at least I do…:)
Thank you for writing such a beautiful post. The next time I am feeling ‘distant, moody and mean” I will refer to myself as old Julie. Maybe then, with Gods grace, I can get rid of the old and find true inner peace.
Thanks Julie. True inner peace is only found in Jesus. Because we are made new in Christ alone and only He can get rid of the old – so let’s fall on him. :).
I’m not the only one. Thanks for being real, open and vulnerable enough to post this. Judging by the comments above, I guess we’re all the same – the old nature really does rear its ugly head!! Wish it were easier to remember to pray before turning distant, moody and mean.
True words Nicole. Perhaps, when we do pray, we should all pray that we would remember to pray at those times. 🙂
Hopefully the ‘people issues’ were not the teenagers who gave you a good workout at the soccer match 🙂 I think the ‘old guys’ are the ones trying to keep up with the teenagers and not the other way around lol. It was fun to watch!
Seriously, though, I can relate for sure – walking helps for me!
Hi Cecile, The people issues had nothing to do with soccer! I thoroughly enjoyed playing the part of “pylon” to your boys and the other teens 🙂 I remember soccer being much easier about 17 years ago… We old guys did well for the first half but when we ran out of energy they had lots! It was as if somebody increased gravity and thinned the air…