An Introvert Speaks Out

To my outgoing friends:

I love you and I enjoy being with you, but my phone is on silent and I am not coming over this evening.

Sorry.

Please do not take that the wrong way – it does not mean I am mad at you or do not like you anymore.

It simply means that I am out of gas.

I enjoy hanging out with you, really I do, but don’t expect me to stay out as long as you or to get excited about things the way you do. I admit that it is easy for me to sin by retreating into my comfortable bubble by being moody and distant and then blaming it on my introversion, so please call me on it – but don’t judge me for it.  This is something I have been guilty of in the past and I have been working on for a number of years.  But just because I am not coming over to your place for the 5^th group function in 3 days, does not mean I am retreating to my bubble, it simply means I am out of gas and need to refuel.  And that judgmental remark you just made about me being old or moody is not helping anything.  But that’s OK – I forgive you, and I’ll forgive your gregarious nature if you forgive my reserved one. 🙂

You may not think so, but I enjoy people, I really do.  While I love family get-togethers and the various aspects of serving in the church, I find them physically and mentally draining and I long for quiet times of solitude, study, and introspection.  I experience a lot of tension between these two realities in my own life, and I struggle to balance extroverted activities with my introverted nature…especially in an active, outgoing, extroverted church environment.  I love serving and being involved in the church, from chairing a Home Mission Committee meeting, or teaching a group of boys at Cadets, or leading devotions at a local outreach mission, or bible study, or meeting people for one on one and much more. I love people and I perform roles that require far more effort from me than an outgoing person would have to make.

In our extroverted society, we value aggressive, action-oriented go-getters, and this is true in our churches as well. We tend to praise people who are outgoing, expressive, eager to tackle tasks, who are enthusiastic, who easily share their faith with anyone, etc. But we introverts do not usually fit this profile.  Sure some of us may jump out of our comfort zone more so than others, but that is not usually how we roll. An introvert’s faith life is usually a little quieter, a little more solitary, a little less “grab the bull by the horns.” We are often calm, thoughtful, reflective types who may be invisible to others if they are not looking or listening.  Some reading this may be confused, because the author of this post certainly grabs the bull by the horns when it comes to the gospel…but you have not seen me in a room full of people at a birthday party or after church in the basement when half the congregation is there.  I sit there quietly taking everything in, calculating my moves, my words, and my thoughts.

Now, to all you outgoing people who think that we introverts have nothing to offer the church, I must beg to differ. Introverts process things internally, we don’t think aloud, or work things out in public settings. For instance, typically if we differ with you at bible study, we’ll usually think about our response and get back to you next week – or never. If I do happen to be bold and outspoken it is only about that which I am passionate about – the Word of God and the people of God.  So I will break the mold, so to speak, of the introvert in certain situations because it needs to be said, and no one else is saying it…but those instances are few and far between.

I have noticed that Christian introverts tend to have overwhelming empathy and a deep compassion for others. It is true of myself and others and because of our self-awareness, we are capable of a profound yet non-judgmental insight into others problems and hardships.  We are capable of a peacefulness that is contagious to others, and introverts are very good at offering people a non-judgmental shoulder to cry on or ear to listen.  This ability typically helps others open up to us.

Many extroverts will not understand this post.  But the introverts do.  I can see you nodding your heads, but not saying anything! So my introverted brothers and sisters in Christ, while I empathize with your dilemma, do not let it rule you.  It is not easy, but be active in the church.  It is not easy, but leave your comfort zone.  Do not allow your comfort zone to be your crutch and do not let your shyness, or your insecurity rule you.  I am not saying to leave introspection, I am not saying be loud.  I am not saying be something you are not, what I am saying is use your gifts, your God given gifts to the up building of the church and to His glory. Whether that is serving behind the scenes organizing things, or up front leading the people…do it, be involved, serve God.  And when you need to refuel, (and you will – trust me) then go refuel!  Go to your quiet place and recharge.  But don’t stop there, don’t get stuck in your quiet comfort zone… get out again in the strength He provides.  Go and serve God and his people as only an introvert can.

My phone is still on silent; in fact I have not looked at it in sometime.  This was a long weekend of a number of group gatherings and a couple smaller meetings. I took this evening off from another get together, and had some quiet time to recharge…look at what it yielded.