My Boyfriend Wants To Make Out…

I get a lot of questions about sexuality. This is obviously a huge part of our lives.  As Christians we are inundated with sexual images on TV, on the internet in magazines, on the sides of buses, at the grocery store checkout line, it seems that our culture is obsessed with sex and has perverted it from what God originally intended it to be.  Sex is meant to be a means of grace in a marriage.    Sex is intended by God to be a good thing to bring the couple closer together, to become one flesh.

From an 18 year old girl: “My boyfriend wants to make out with me.  How far can we go before it is sinful?”

I was not surprised by this question, because most Christian parents do not want to deal with this issue.  They do a great job of protecting their kids from sex.  They censor everything from the tv, to the bible.  Some things we need to shelter our very young kids from and sex is one of them.  But when an 18 year old is asking a blogger this question, I wonder why the parents have not taught her and her boyfriend about what God intends sex for.  So parents, before your teen moves out, starts dating, or starts bypassing the “family filter” on the computer, you need to speak of these things with them.  Equip them to deal with the world, and sex, and desires, and to understand what sex is meant to be.

Ok I am done ranting at the parents.

A simple answer to this question is that you are looking at it all wrong when you start wondering where the line is and how close you can get to that line before it becomes sin.  Instead of asking how far you can go, you should ask how you can glorify God in your relationship.

But what is so wrong with two consenting, unmarried adults taking pleasure in each other’s bodies? That is the question of a world that idolizes the pleasure of sexual sin.  In the case of the questioner it is not even sexual intercourse, it is just “making out.” What’s the harm in that? I am going to show how making out is the same as having sex.  How can I say this? A baby will not be made from making out!  When we think of the word “sex” we tend to think of sexual intercourse between two consenting adults. But this is not what God means by it. When God speaks of sex he means the marriage covenant between a man and woman. When God addresses sexual sin in the 10 Commandments, he says “adultery”.  When God speaks of sex in the commandments he thinks of marriage.

In our culture we are told that our bodies are ours. Do what you want, do what feels good, because its your life, your body. You have a right to do what you want with your own body. Our bodies are not our own, they belong to God.  God created them and he owns them.  Our bodies bear his image and God alone has the right to them.  He has the right to tell us that we can only enjoy another’s body in a marriage relationship; this includes looking at someone’s figure, viewing another person’s nakedness, it includes making out, sexual touching and it obviously includes the act of sexual intercourse.  Jesus tells us that a man who has looked lustfully on a woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  Sexual intercourse, making out, looking at pornography or staring lustfully at the girl at school is all sin against the 7th commandment.

In proverbs we read

With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth talk.
22 All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer stepping into a noose
²³     till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life.

It will cost you your life. Sexual immorality is death. Making out is the same as having sexual intercourse or looking at pornography. It is lethal both for this life and the next. Those who are unrepentant and persistent in their sexual sin have no inheritance in the kingdom of God. Sexual sin leads to death.

I would like to address the questioner’s boyfriend. By asking her to make out, you intend to take what is not yours. Yes you do. You do not have a right to your girlfriend’s body in any way. It belongs to God, not you and not her.  And even if she is willing to make out she doesn’t have the right to give her body to you outside of marriage. Her consenting to make out, or touch her or look at her or have sexual intercourse is the same as the two of you going through her mom’s purse.  She pulls out the wallet, takes out the credit card and say’s to you, go ahead and take it, my mom lets me use it.  Is it stealing if you take it? Is it hers to give you? No.  It is not.  The Credit card is her mom’s; her body is God’s.

So to my young reader, if you really want to know where the line is, have your boyfriend ask your dad what he thinks about the two of you making out. Or ask your pastor or elder what they think. I know they will give you the same answer.  But if you want an answer for what the line is for physical contact, I think it would be ok to hold hands while praying at the dinner table or while having devotions, in this instance Christ is central you are focused on God not on your own sinful pleasures.  Is kissing your boyfriend permissible at all? Well, do you kiss your mom or grandmother or grandfather?  Kissing your boyfriend in the same manner as you would kiss your grandfather is ok, but not deep kissing or french kissing. There is a reason the minister says at the wedding ceremony, “you may kiss the bride,” because now, after marriage, you are allowed to enjoy each other physically.

Yes I am an idealist.  But these are God’s ideals, not mine.