“I Want to be Liberated From the Sexual Liberation”
It is rampant. The most common theme among men who email me is sexual sin. The questions, comments and stories are varied but all come back to the same thing – the overwhelming struggle against sin that seems to be unbeatable.
“How come I am unable to quit porn?” “How come I can’t control myself?” “I have to check out every girl that walks by…” “ I want to be faithful to my wife…”
One of my readers who no longer struggles with sexual sin writes:
As a teen I was heavily into pornography…I had a couple sexual partners before marriage…I thought that getting married would stem my sinful sexual desires and actions. But I was wrong. After marriage I continued to fill my self with the diseased drug of Satan, obtaining my “high” from porn … My wife is a beautiful woman… soon I was uninterested in her because of my addiction to sexual immorality. I rarely initiated sex with her, sometimes she would invite me to bed, and I would decline because I would rather get my high when she was asleep…Today the addiction is overcome, due to grace and counselling. But the consequences of the sin still remain. My mind is dulled to sex…because it was so sinful for me… I still now rarely initiate sex with my wife. It is up to her, now because I have broken what God made….With prayer and in time, I hope that this consequence will be removed…
Another reader who still struggles writes:
When the temptation for pornography overwhelms me, there is a battle within my mind and body. My body craves release, craves the instantaneous pleasure that comes with sin. And when I do, overwhelming guilt floods me to the point that I have a hard time believing that I am saved. Why would I crave this physical satisfaction so much?
And Finally the title of my post…“I want to be liberated from the ‘sexual liberation’.” was very profound to me and heart wrenching.
So why is it that men (and women) get ensnared in this type of sin and are seemingly unable to get out of it?
Here is a quote from counselor Steven Arterburn, author of Every Mans Battle:
“Sexual pleasure is one of the most intense human experiences. Physically speaking, when a man or a woman reaches sexual excitement, nerve endings release a chemical into the brain called opioid. Apart from a heroin-induced experience, nothing is more pleasurable than sex.”
The only thing that is equal chemically, physiologically, and psychologically to sex is heroin. Hard to believe, but then again, it makes sense when you consider how many men struggle with sexual addiction – whether they admit it or not.
I want to state emphatically here – God created us to enjoy sex! This Opioid release in the brain is given to us by God! This is the height of human pleasure, and it is a wonderful thing in a covenantal marriage relationship. The pleasure of the sexual relationship will aid in strengthening the bond between a man and wife and help to bring joy in living together and building a relationship. As we have seen there can be a down side to the pleasure of sex. If sexual experiences happen outside of marriage and are constantly repeated, sex can move from being a simple pleasure to an addiction.
But I am not going to simply state that pornography is bad. I am not going to say you should quit it. You already know that. I am not going to give examples of marriages torn apart or dulled by sexual immorality. What I want you to know is simply this: you cannot be a loving, Godly, genuine husband as long as your mind is filled with the deceptions of pornography. What this also means is that you have no business being an elder or a deacon or sitting in a place of leadership in the church if your mind is entrapped in the treachery of pornography. Deal with it now.
All the men who confided in me want to be free from all consuming grip of this sin. By emailing me and not remaining anonymous with me means that they truly do want to overcome this. I have given them all the same advice that I am going to give you all. To the men reading this who are ensnared in sexual immorality, if you truly want to overcome this sin speak to your pastor or elder or a Christian man whom you love and respect and confide in him what you are dealing with. If he is a man of God, a loving Christian man who cares about you and your spiritual health, he will ache for you and will be both willing and eager to stand beside you (and your wife – if you are married) as you fight and conquer this sin. I am not going to lie to you and say that it will be easy. It will be humiliating. It will be humbling. You will probably cry, you will probably hurt, but it will be worth it when you can look at your wife without the “pornified” eyeglasses and look at her through the purified lens of a biblical covenantal marriage as God intended it! It will be worth it when you can give God the glory in your sanctification.
Proverbs 7 tells us of the adulterous woman, who is also that woman on the computer screen or in that magazine who is enticing you to sin. Listen to the words of warning:
With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth talk.
22 All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer stepping into a noose[b]
23 till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life.24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death.
Yes this is about the adulteress and Jesus tells us a man who looks lustfully upon a woman has committed adultery with her in his heart. The woman on the computer screen is an adulteress, don’t kid yourself. Read it again. Her house is a highway to the grave. Her way leads to the chambers of death! DEATH!
Do not be deceived by sexual immorality and don’t wait. Do it now. Freedom from the so called “sexual freedom” lies in the promises of God. In Him we are truly free! You may love sexual immorality and be committed to it, but if you are a Christian, God is more willing than you are to overcome it and destroy it. He will grant grace through the blood of Jesus for you to put any sin to death. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9). Talk to your pastor now…do it. Your life may depend on it.
Resources:
There probably isn’t a more difficult thing to do, than to confide in someone else. Especially in a church in which there is the appearance of complete righteous order, where what occurs in your life, married or single, is of a private nature between God and self. I urge anyone with any addiction to find that one person who they feel comfortable with, to start by having a coffee with them. Get real comfortable, because the travel after truth won’t be so easy for awhile, and better to start with one person than to get to a point where everyone “knows”.
Because it’s an addiction, it becomes a treat, as if you deserve a little something for your “bad” day, or “good” day. It deadens not only relationships, but it deadens emotion, desire (for real intimacy), and worst of all, it deadens the fact that the sin is even a sin, it’s just something you do for a “break”.
Hmmm, I now feel “awkward”, as if I’ve said too much, or perhaps not enough to really help. This wasn’t easy.
Thanks OCD (Hmmm that’s an interesting thing! 🙂 ) for making this blog, the discomfort I’m feeling help me realize the weakness of my flesh, and my strength of my Redeemer.
Thanks for your comments Henry,
IT is so true what you said, especially the part about deadening sin – the more we continue in sin the less sensitive to it we become tot he point that we do not even realize it as sin any more. The bible speaks of God giving us over to these things, and as Christians that should be a wake up call…we should not be given over to any sin! You are welcome, I initially intended this blog for a few close friends and family, but God had other plans for it I guess.
OCD (not sure if I like that 🙂 )