Do You Fight With Your Wife?

Do you ever argue with your wife?  I know that you think you are right.  Obviously she thinks she is right as well. So, whose fault is it?  Ok I don’t really need to know that, nor do I have the answer. Anyway, last week I had prepared an article for my Monday post which my wife did not want me to post.  She felt the subject matter might offend some people – of course I have no problem offending people for the gospel 🙂 but,  if I had taken a moment to reflect on what she really meant, I would have seen that yes she is right, I probably should not post the article.  Yet, instead of saying, “You might be right,” or, “I will change that part,” or even, “maybe you are right…” I said “Why? Is it not biblical?  Is it not an issue facing Christians? “   So what ensued was an hour of grumpiness between us.  We made up of course, and I wrote my article about working on our relationships with our wives (and the cheeseburger song) instead and I think it turned out all right.

A few years ago that small argument would have turned into a battle royal lasting all evening, perhaps even past bedtime and into the next day.

Where am I going with this?

Let’s read Matthew 5:23, 24:

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,  leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Reconciliation is first before worship.  That sounds odd doesn’t it? It took me a while to wrap my head around it. I do not want to get to theological here, but the prime example of this is that You and I needed to be reconciled to God, before we could worship Him. Likewise, before you can bring your gifts (your worship)  to the Lord, you must be reconciled with your brother or sister in Christ, so as far as it depends on you.  If this is true in the Church how much more so is it true with man and wife?   How can I go before the Lord in prayer, and offer praise and thankfulness to him if I am fighting with my wife?  How can read the Bible and meditate on it knowing that I am essentially harbouring hatred against her? Your wife is not only your sister in Christ; she is one in body with you.  This makes it all the more pressing.  So a simple test if you are fighting with your wife, is to ask yourself this question, “How is my prayer life?”   Probably not very good…I know from experience.

In an argument there might be an issue that is valid, you may have genuine differences, but how you approach them is so much more important than the issue itself.  There are two problems involved in an argument with our wives.  There is the actual issue, which we are arguing about, but the bigger problem is the attitudes we have toward each other.  How is your attitude toward your wife when you have a difference of opinion?  Do you waste energy with sarcasm and hurtful words?  Or do you put aside your pride and repent of your faults in the argument/fight and press on in Love?

Love.  Well there it is.  Love is not a feeling, at first.  Ok sure “Love” is butterflies and dizziness and holding hands and that syrupy sappy beginning to a relationship, but I am talking about marriage here 😉   The feeling of love we have to each other in our marriage, comes out of the action of giving ourselves to each other. That means that Love is at first a choice to give yourself to your wife.  Giving?  You don’t believe me?  If you give, the feelings of love will follow.  Giving is fundamental to the concept of biblical love. Let’s check a few texts:

John 3:16:

For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Galatians 2:20

I have beencrucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Romans 12:20

 “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink;

It is always giving with which love begins.  And this spirit of giving changes the atmosphere of the home.  Trust me here, I know.  Once you as husband really give yourself to your wife, to the kids, to the home, communication begins to thrive.  The fights, the real fights, lessen.  Maybe there is something you need to do.  Maybe you need to confess your sins to your wife and to god.  Maybe, I don’t know.  What I do know is that you, man, are the spiritual head of your home, and you will be held accountable to how you loved and gave yourself to your wife.

Let me ask one more time… how is your prayer life?  How is your relationship with your Creator?  Not so good?  How about your wife?

Christ gave himself up for us without argument; the least we can do is give ourselves to our wives.

Be reconciled. Worship.

Give.  Love.

This work by Ryan Smith is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.